The Monkey is back on Purdy von Sweet's Back

 When Purdy von Sweets was a little kitten, she developed an addiction to coffee. Yes, I mean coffee. She would hunt coffee beans that had escaped my watchful eye. She would bat the coffee grinder until she managed to get some grounds loose. She would drink your coffee. Lastly on a desperate morning, she was found dangling in the garbage trying to get at old coffee grounds.

I don't have to tell you the addiction was completely out of hand and I worried for her health. Coffee is not good for cats. She was skinny as a rail and was developing a tail twitch. Thus all coffee was banned from Purdy von Sweets.

It was rough. We lost quite few coffee cups and endured some nasty scratches. She also developed the habit of biting. I could envision her, an old skinny cat with a cigarette dangling out her mouth leaning over a cup of coffee. I persevered and finally after what seemed like eternity, she emerged from the addiction cycle.

She has been clean and mean for a couple of years until this morning. She never gained weight. I made myself a nice cup of Cuban coffee with heavy cream. As Napoleon was enjoying his morning yogurt with me carefully turning the bowl so he can get the maximum licking in, I noticed one Purdy von Sweets poised on her rump, front feet reaching out and nostrils twitching like an overwrought demon. Her head was slowly turning as she scanned the air waves for the delicious aroma of coffee and cream.

And then she found it. I tried to wave the fragrance away. I tried to divert her. I even scratched her belly but nothing could deter her from that cup of Joe or Jose as it was except the slamming of the bedroom door in her little face. All this time and monkey on her back has returned. Back to watching my coffee cup every moment.

Your Morning Meow

 I don't start my days like normal people. Normal people start their days in boring manners. They start their day with an obnoxious alarm clock. I start my day the same way except my alarm clock is furry and has neither a snooze button nor an off switch. I don't want to get up. I will postpone it as long as possible even though I know the longer I wait the more the chance of bodily injury. Today, I have a back foot rake from one Napoleon.

Napoleon is really the least of my worries. Yes, he is a mammoth cat whose weight threatens to break my bones at times, but he is easily bought off with some kibble and a little ice water. After that, depending on the actual hour he will either begin another 18 hour nap on me or in the sun. Napoleon is not dangerous. He rules by default as the first one rescued from a vicious dog. He is my child.

The dangerous one is Ninja One now known as Ningee. I had no idea I was naming her after a Goddess when I changed her name but she did. Ningee is the runt of the infamous Furry 7 delivered the night her mother wheedled her way into my house and decided the top of the upright freezer was the right place for kittens. I have no idea in what order Ningee arrived, I just know Fire was the first. There were two black kittens, both female and the tiny one became Ningee with her impish face and long shining hair. Ningee rules by cunning and intelligence.

Ningee has mastered the cute meow. She begins with a high pitched me and ends with a low pitched but louder op. All this is done while widening her eyes and looking up at you with a heartbreaking plea. That is why it is best to view the spectacle from the side of your eye as full eye contact will render you incapable of refusing.

That was what happened today. I heard the trademarked Me-Op and glanced sideways but alas the Ningee was on the floor and I was on the bed and I had to turn my head. I beheld a sight I have never seen in almost 60 years of cat ownership. It was a sight that reduced me to a quivering pile of compliant jello as I laughed out loud. There on the floor was Ningee the Tiny with an entire empty bag of Temptations in her mouth, the bag almost the same size as she is. She emitted the Me-Op with the bag firmly in her little mouth, dropped it to the floor, looked up at me and let out a Meeeeee-OP that would have made a lion proud. I had to get her some Temptations.

It was then she used her psychic ninja powers on me and I accidentally spilled the whole half a bag of Temptations. As I am very fond of all my ten fingers, I did not attempt to retrieve a single piece. Instead I let Napoleon help her gorge and a few minutes later I discovered she was carrying a Temptation on her back. Eventually Napoleon relieved her of the offending morsel.

And that is how I started my day in sunny, hot South Florida, with a Me-Op and iced coffee.